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Rape & Complex PTSD

Discussion in 'Mental & Emotional' started by Survivor, Nov 15, 2004.

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  1. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Just wrote a thread & cut it
    Like my throat had I dared.
    It’s in these early hours I get
    an urge to escape.
    I use words here to exercise my
    true desires.
    To strike the truth like fires
    Only there is no one to put them out
    and all the while it’s my nervous system
    firing.
    Memories, threatening to be a deadly current
    Is this living if sedated?
    Is this telling when I dare not
    He
    Then
    He
    Then
    Then He
    And them
    Then them
    Then
    No me
    Then He
    Then years later He
    Then there was another he
     
  2. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    The shame of not wanting to exist
    The sadness that your the abyss
    The guilt that you may be missed
    The release from a life deformed
    The regret that the body is formed
    The reality that nothing can get better
    The grief from a drowning soul
    The dawning you don’t want to be recycled
    The murder that took too long to die
    The blaspheming need to express
    When you don’t even want to get dressed
    Where is the listening ear to an ear that listens
    Not another word to pass these lips
    There is nowhere over a rainbow that is by put strings of color, that detached the threads of me
    Raped to death decades apart
    I RIP my heart
    you don’t get too restart
    Rejoice the broken mind is free
    She’s dead as dead as dead can be
    Shut down the psychology
    withdraw the treatment in a flash
    dislocate the trauma jaw
    with no pressure in the heart
    Depart depart depart
     
  3. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Threats increased
    My peace must cease
    No protection
    My minds in sections
    Don’t tell
    My living is hell
    How’s this going to end?
    My fear is negotiating a hairpin bend
    Who can stop this?
    My trust in professionals is hit & miss
    Threats increased
    Will I end up deceased?
     
  4. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    The problem with a ring that’s tight
    Is all the circulation ceases
    The need is to have it cut off with a special tool
    But A & E don’t have what it takes
    There are many that are done with this for beep sake
    I’m not, I can’t it’s not a release
    To be found guilty according to the law
    Doesn’t go down well with the outlaw bikers
    Beyond repute, their threats are absolute
    Is my only control left to pull my own trigger?
    There is no protection for a victim past
    My fate is no authorities hands
    The underworld have much bigger plans
    Threaten me once & I’ll stand my ground
    Rape me twice & I’ll take the stand
    Call in the troops that have devoured me before
    I am not prey if I’m dead on the floor
    Kill me once you killed me twice
    I’m beyond conventional help
    The laws are bound by narrow tape
    Mark my words they will see it soon
    When I take the bullet or the knife wound
    The writings on the wall
    It’s 100 foot high
    This ring is at risk because of I
     
  5. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    a dozen lake has been disturbed
    The cracks are gliding over this icy grave
    Frostbite fingers & crunched up toes
    can I make myself comatose
    Let the ice melt & them swim to shore
    not yet a bit more a bit more
    This doggy paddle is no horses sadly
    No kings men to put me together again
    You want me to pull you out?
    Observer said you will let me go
    she says she’s only 10
    What’s that a sinking float
    A head that falls
    A gaze that stalls
    I’m cocooned in the biggest sea
    That for years has carried me
    A jump a dive a magical carpet ride
    will I even feel the water
    Will it make me shorter
    I kinda think it oughter
     
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  6. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    I could have screamed
    You walked right through me
    Your eyes have not changed
    You know I know
    Will it lift?
    This threatening mist
    Nothing has died
    It’s al alive
    It’s not over
    It will never be over
    Your tattoo is you
     
  7. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Dear me,

    Confession - I abuse you too!
    I’m not proud of what I do & it takes months for me to see me too. I’m trying to comfort myself & end up deformed.
    I literally shape shift from the mind into matter, eating drinking & not future thinking.
    Then I paralyze myself pain moves in & floods the space I have created.
    It’s killing you, I’m killing you, I’m filling you up & then deprive you for an equal time.
    I push your body till it’s out of time.
    I don’t plan the assault, I don’t just take you by surprise, I too am surprised; until I feel trapped inside with you & your stretched skin, the one I feel ashamed to be in.
    I’m in the wrong body then, or have I changed the body I had when traumatized so much I can’t feel the body when it was attacked?
    But it never works!
    Unconscious night you transform my body into that which is broken, that which is petrified.

    My promise to you is EMDR next week.
    Let’s hope we don’t loose each other forever or maybe that is exactly what we need to do?

    I don’t know what the other side looks like, hell I don’t believe it even exists.

    Until then hold on tight!

    X
     
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  8. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Tormented afflicted with great bodily or mental suffering.
    Do you wonder what effect you had on her life?
    Do you know you Killed her?
    No funeral for the fractured soul
    Oh she’s buried
    She won’t be resurrected
    No eater story to cure her crucifixion.
    Have you forgiven yourself?
    How did you do that?
    She’s still there where you left her
     

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