Healthypages

Rape & Complex PTSD

Discussion in 'Mental & Emotional' started by Survivor, Nov 15, 2004.

Tags:
  1. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    The thing with stepping out alone is
    I want to keep walking alone
    The storm took so much
    I presumed when on the other side
    I would regroup
    Tonight it feels like I have no village,
    no tribe & am seeking a resolute
    that would quake the last piece of earth
    beneath me.
    Yet free my wings & feet.
    But to spread my wings now
    would call “la chasse”
    When I feel like a sitting duck.
     
  2. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    Can I wean those who I nurse
    Will they come to no longer need
    Could they love me enough too
    This disappointment is so great
    It drills into my pelvic grate
    And I can’t feel the fire here
    any more.
    My wounds fester & j am
    treated like the court jester.
    I was naked in a public place.
    No one offered me a robe
    I bared all & was made to feel
    so small, I could have slid
    down the gutter there and then
    My body now causes me to
    feel the remnants of uninvited men
    this somatic won’t shift out of
    automatic.
    The pain is really debilitating.
    And still I rise
     
    Energylz likes this.
  3. jnani

    jnani Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    381
    Dear survivor

    Court case in your favour, having a 'normal life', pouring your sorrow into these posts don't seem to lift it. Nothing seems to lift it
    Something should lift it. What is stopping it?
     
  4. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    From within the solitary confines of my mind
    I found a gap that led to here
    I found my words could send out a sign
    from within the solitary confines of my mind
    I didn’t notice the tally from within this thread
    The nights I tried to escape my head
    The burden of truth is what lies here
    The victim of crime kills time
    In the hope that the hands of time don’t
    kill you first.
    When no one heard, saw or felt the tremor
    that shook my childhood ground.
    The seismometer was my body.
    When men didn’t leave footprints on
    my skin, I mapped out their injuries
    with blades.
    I didn’t exist, my experiences where
    crimes I buried in the organs they
    bruised.
    These organs stalled & often called
    to be left to function differently.
    And as for my heart, it beats at times
    so fast it rhymes.
    Solitary confines I lost what I never found
    And now I am called to sleep
    Not all bulb bloom
    May I decompose in the confines
    of my mind
    I am not negative or down
    I’ am welcoming the comfort
    of becoming the compound
    of a star
    An excitement grows as
    my light is allowed to
    fade,
    The only a gift to me
    now is to be free!
    Finally I get an
    expiry date
     
    #964 Survivor, Jan 31, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2020
    Energylz likes this.
  5. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    Jack Frost saw me
    The rising sun warned me
    The mist hid me
    The cold froze me
    The tide stole me
    Nobody knows me
     
    Energylz likes this.
  6. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    Can you tell?
    Can you read between the lines?
    Can you understand the thin blue line?
    Can’t you see what I am trying to say?
    Can’t you hear me try to explain?
    Some crimes are bigger unexposed?
    Can you protect em?
    Can you keep my family safe?
    Don’t expect me to tell a local
    I’m not planning on going loco
    I’ve preserved this mind
    so it can remember & yet
    pickled it in fear it is suffering with
    dismember.
    I’m ready to speak, but who will hear?
    I’m cutting into a protective fear
    frankly I’ve had enough I’m
    spilling anyway & there’s never enough
    I’m not unsure I’m absolute
    This next chapter is about giving
    my selves an honorable salut
    Therapy to day caused my mouth to spout
    & I’m not very good now at stopping it
    all come out.
    I’m not tongue tied I’m seething with pain
    please don’t make me relive it all again & again
    It’s not for me to explain why I couldn’t
    They did & they shouldn’t!!!!
     
  7. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    And as she tried to close her eyes
    The mind began to twist & turn
    She had progressed through brambles deep
    The secrets now where becoming impossible to keep
    She would need to protest the need fo have protection that would help her grandchildren weep
    As she has progressed through the years she has born beings that have tears
    She is now in now in an awful mess
    How will they live without her nurturing chest
    She never meant to love them so
    She had vowed by now she would go
    She must now move far away & help her loved ones to stay
    Her task is nearly set in stone as words become a sentence that will live on
    Thankfully she will then be gone
     
  8. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    It’ is beneath thy feet that life feels vacant
    It is behind me that the earth feel uneven
    There comes a time of great force & muster
    That has me need to gather & cluster
    For I am about to face the end
    Of all that has my life suspend
    I am but a fallible soul, whose fate
    is written in an ancient place
    My forefathers gathered here
    Their descendent now is keeping clear
    How does the sand of time run out
    On a history that today will clout
    I know not what lays ahead
    I choose to leave the state to fate
    My answers are muted by stubborn folk
    While my questions remain in my throat
    I’m not rehearsing, I have no lines
    I’m stuck behind enemy mines
    I won’t raise a white flag
    I will do my best to hold my hand
    Come let’s seek a number of options
    As time may be left with a failed adoption
    Nights night no sleeping tight
    I’m preparing for another right
     
    Energylz likes this.
  9. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    Friday’s bullet is so much stronger
    As the weekend stunts a response
    Only this Friday the realization is
    that this bullet is fatal
    The truth is bleeding out
    & no one can contain it
    This is bigger than me.
    This is beyond me.
    I don’t have time
    I’m late for a very important date
     
  10. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    How long is forever?
    Sometimes just one second.
    Who wants to live forever?
    Wait a second.....
     
    Energylz likes this.
  11. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    It’s oh so quiet
    The time has come
    As words are spilt
    So eyes will tilt
    As a heart finds
    another beat
    All the while
    looking for another
    seat
    I’d cry if I could
    But every muscle
    constricted
    I’ll hold my hand
    and hope my reality
    is not twisted
    or directed to the sea
    As all I want is to
    still have me
     
    Energylz likes this.
  12. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    And so it is
    And so it was
    And so it will be
     
    Energylz likes this.
  13. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    306
    I’ll find a spell
    to sprinkle on my feet
    so I might prevent my fleet
    I’ll find a spell
    to pace my heart into
    a rhythm that marries peace.
    I’ll find a spell
    that wipes my
    mind.
    Wait! I’ll need a spell that
    helps me remember why
    I’m here.
    Cornices & alcoves
    skirting boards galore
    I am but a Maison
    without folk or knife
    Perhaps they are
    both too sharp
    I need a spell
    for invisibility quick
    pick
     

Share This Page

This site uses XenWord.