The sinking feeling of reality panic is felt in a different key. F sharp at a guess but no thought can control the pitch This is a feeling that is manic Petrified with no narrative for this. I could do with a safe cuddle. That's not a disguise. I don't understand These sensations a pressure builds in my head. I swear my heart is beating to explain a tyre thread. Inprints, stir a feeling I can't avoid. This ache is leaving a jet stream. I'm getting lost But only for seconds. Then the sinking feeling of reality bites. But I'm not hiding I'm not resisting I'm shocked this is all open & I'm walking around. My biggest challenge now is trying to explain what I've done to a loved one. Because this feeling make me feeling I'm missing a coupling a link to who I was yesterday I feel like I've just committed to buying a wreck of a house having sold my ready made home. I can't undo this step I've taken. I'm scared this is a jolt to my whole life. I don't understand how nobody knows. If I fall asleep tonight will I wake like this tomorrow. Or will my mind seive me out, Because it can't compute what has happened. Will I be histerical in the early hours in the morning. What on earth would I say was wrong. I'm soaking in reality & no words can come. This pamaramic snap shot of ALL is curling around me A boa constricting sequence. is affecting my ability to breath. Of all the nights to be experiencing a storm. Some triggers never cease. This free fall sinking feeling might never ever stop. What to hold onto when I feel I'm surrounded by equations that are written vertically all around. Yet I can't solve them and no one will hear me scream. Emergency exit not sign posted. If I was released from hospital with the injuries I feel. I would be readmitted and preferably incubated. This isn't a metaphor this is my mind in the balance. 999 what's your emergency "I've fallen through my mind and I don't know when or if I'll land".