YOGA A big mistake as soon as I lay on the floor I can't move I asked myself Why on earth did you think you could do this now? Because I am trying to heal non verbally! Only I'm triggered straight away The flooring, The window The person to my right. The next thing I here is "Be present in your body now" I screamed inside I imaged where the exit was I never got that far. I'm gone from the room I'm in a different place My body feels occupied by 3. A whippet panic races through me. I feel like a rush hour in my chest. A thunderstorm in my head. Another instruction I remind myself of the date, time & place I AM in. I feel to agitated to cry I come back to the breath The instructors voice my only hope. I hold on to her ever word. She moves around the room Eyes closed I see her every move. My hearing is hypervigilant A car drives past, I have left the room & see the street. Get back to your body! I yell, from hell! Don't leave her! She needs you to pick her up & take her home when this is all over. Only I didn't want to be present with the triggers. Yet again the instructors voice breaks through the cross fire of images streaming through me. Then I couldnt tolerate my finger tips Like a chalk board scratch Then the feeling creeps through my body to match. Snap I feel my feet touch my mat. How on earth did I do that. I can't get a grip of where I am I dare not open my eyes. The light turns on & I am shot With memory pain, I see more & more again. I don't want these shards to be true. I hear my mind say "There coming for you!" I fe l like I am in an re-enactment only I came to a yoga class. I didn't pay for this. "Rest in your body" The instructor said. I resist, my pelvic somersaults I want to be transported out of here I loose time "wiggle your toes" It's over, get up! Don't come back here! I can't ignore my body it holds the score! How will I get better if I try to resist a mind & a body that are lost in the obis? Being present is SO difficult I check out at a pulse in my foot Makes me feel trapped dirty & no good!