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Rape & Complex PTSD

Discussion in 'Mental & Emotional' started by Survivor, Nov 15, 2004.

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  1. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Hi All

    I am so gratefull of the chance to post on a forum such as this.

    I have been seeking a place to share my fears & past with to no avail.

    The last time I completed an application to join a chat I was so so low & then my application was declined.

    I don't want to be negative you see and wish that I could inspire others after my lessons are learnt, but at the moment I am trapped in a horror of flashbacks & panic attacks.

    I wish I never stopped to look into my mind because I am sure that I will never get out.

    I get such powerful thoughts & fears that I am frightened most of the time.

    I wish I was strong enough to cope but i'm not.

    Oh listen to my self pity I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    #1 Survivor, Nov 15, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2015
    2 people like this.
  2. Lyssa

    Lyssa Banned

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    You're obviously going through a really bad time at the moment. You are not alone! There are people on this board (myself included) that have dealt with depression, anxiety, panic attacks and more. Maybe you could tell us a little bit about yourself and what's been happening. You may find the help that you need is here or you can just vent, and talk about your experiences with people who understand.

    Take care

    Lyssa
     
  3. TigerBee

    TigerBee New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Susan

    Firstly a warm welcome to HP, you will find a warm welcoming place here....

    Right now.....to business!!!
    Having just read your other post the first thing I would say on this subject is to find another doctor. There that done.

    thats the thing, you OBVIOUSLY are strong enough to cope because YOU HAVE AND YOU ARE HERE. Sometimes when we feel our weakest we are actually being the strongest we have ever been....facing demons is hardwork and not a fun night out.

    I hate self pity too, so we wont do that......

    If you feel you wish to share more then feel free or if you want pm me....

    Please remember there is one very beautiful thing about desperation and reaching our limits and that is : its the kick start to a better life as our bodies and brains scream at us no more it means we have to no matter how hard or difficult start that journey to what can only be described as Freedom.....

    so to that end I welcome you to your new journey...

    Tiger
    xx
     
  4. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Lyssa & Tiger,

    What a lovely welcome, just relating to others who have been through an episode of self discovery is so reasuring.

    A am truely grateful for your offer to assist!!!!!!!!!

    I am happy to share experiences with others in the hope that, the more you can see of anothers journey, the more you an relate to your own.

    THANK YOU & GOD BLESS
     
    holistic_lady likes this.
  5. SteveBishop

    SteveBishop New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Survivor

    Welcome to HP land.
    It must be difficult for you being in the place where you are now. Some of us have been there too and know just how hard it is to feel anything other than despair. We'd like to help. What do you need?

    Hugs and warmies
    [sm=grouphug.gif]
     
    holistic_lady likes this.
  6. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Sorry can't say any more.............
     
  7. puffylovett

    puffylovett New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    oh god, you poor thing. I can't pretend to know what you have been through or even to know if I can say anything that might help you at the moment. But like Tigerbee said, you have made it this far which shows just how strong you really are. Maybe now is your time to heal, but in order to heal you have to let it all come out. Injuries are a bit like that, sometimes they get worse before they get better !
    Dum analogy I know in comparison to something like this, but I hope you understand what I meant.
    Anyway, as you can probably tell from the different forum topics, there is loads of support and love here, in fact it's quite overwhelming so at least you knwo your not alone and that there are people to talk to. Some of the therapies on offer could probably really benefit you too, not in a healing way but in helping you to cope so that you can heal yourself. I'm probably not being much help but I just wanted to post a reply so that you know someone out there is listening - as there's not that many people on line at half one in the morning !

    Anyway... I read a really amazing autobiography recently called Lucky by Alice Seebold.. I was struck by how she fought back after being attacked at a similar age, and it took her years to come to terms with it. Luckily her attacker was caught and jailed so she had a form of retribution but obviously the mental scars were still there. Anyway, she made it through after years of living in pain and maybe it would be a good book for you to read to show you that people DO get through these things and that there is light at the end of the tunnel and a reason to exist.
    I hope you get some comfort from this...
    My thoughts are with you.
    [sm=grouphug.gif]
     
  8. Hopefull

    Hopefull New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Survivor,

    I dont have the words.

    I cant begin to imagine how you must feel, I just wanted you to give you a huge cyber hug[sm=hug.gif] and to let you know, you have come to the right place.
     
  9. TigerBee

    TigerBee New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Susan

    Well done you.

    Will carry on by PM.


    Tracy
    xx
     
  10. SteveBishop

    SteveBishop New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    We're here for you. Well done for having the courage to seek help. We'll do all we can, and then some.

    Hugs and warmies[sm=grouphug.gif]
    Steve
     
  11. Poppet

    Poppet New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Susan

    You have taken the first step by telling someone else what happened to you. I know from experience that things get easier once you have made this giant leap! Keep talking and the pain will get easier, if my experience is anything to go by, I promise. There are always people on HP willing to listen and offer advice but the main thing is to keep talking until everything is out.

    Please accept my love and Reiki healing. [sm=hug.gif]
     
  12. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    I wanted to thank you all for your support.

    I think the post has helped me a lot it is another reality test.

    It is nice to think that we all have this special place to come & feel safe in the knowledge that someone somewhere can hear me!!

    May you all be blessed & rewarded for the positive energy you are putting into the universe.

    But most of all thanks for lending me some!!

    Susan
     
  13. maureen fletcher2002

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Susan
    We hear and we care. What happened to you at the tender age of 15 is horrific, no wonder your mind blocked it out. You have been guided to the right place, there are so many of us here who will do what we can to help. Sometimes just writing about what happened can be the beginning of letting go.
    Love and blessings
    Maureen
     
  14. TigerBee

    TigerBee New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hey Susan...

    Believe me we are not "lending" it, we are Giving it, for you to use in the best way you can....

    Hows it going?
    Tiger
    xx
     
  15. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    I think your right Maureen

    I do think that I have been guided here.

    Susan
    X
     
  16. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    There is something so dreadfull about night fall to me.

    I feel a great force of negative energy over me, I don't know if this relates to the above event.

    Oh how I regret opening my minds black box, I can't remember how to cope with day to day anymore and I look on at people in amazement that so many people are just getting on with living day in day out.

    Is it normal to believe that you may never return from the deepest levels of your mind or is it a sign that you won't be able to return.

    I feel like a banana, that has peeled of a skin to reveal the inner self and that I will never own a protective layer again!

    Susan
    X
     
  17. TigerBee

    TigerBee New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!


    First point, OH GOD YES ITS SO NORMAL. but the strength that has kept you with us this long will continue to hold you whilst you deal with the demons.

    METAPHORICALLY speaking Getting rid of our old shell is essential because that is how we can grow into our new one that is fresh and without scars.....

    love
    T
    x
     
  18. Crystal Moonchild

    Crystal Moonchild New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hello Susan :)
    I'm so sorry to hear how you have suffered & not been able to tell anyone until now . & well done you for having the courage to do so.;) If its ok I'm going to comment to different points in your letter please just ignor it if what I say is way off track.

    The first thing you need to do is realise & BELIEVE this was THEIR fault, It doesn't matter what preceded it you they are to blame. The men in question had control of the situation not you, they were entrusted with your welfare & they abused not only you but that trust also.

    Statements that are just blurted out or bursting to do so are usually ready to do so… The mind is a wonderful thing Susan but even that can only take so much. It's not at all unusual for victims of abuse to try & hide the things that happened to them because they feel shame dirty guilt & fear. You feel others know can read what happened because you feel dirty still & that you somehow are to blame. it is not written all over your face hunni.tho it feel like it because the memorie is now so close to the surface, trust me NO ONE knows what happened but you & the men involved. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea for others to know, (not the nitty gritty but the issue) as it will be a way to release your guilt the more you talk even if its just to us the more you will release the memorie & realise you are innocent, a child that was hurt by two who should of known better. Have you spoken to anyone on the rape crisis lines?

    I strongly suspect your mind is very active because you are trying to make sense of the scene & voices in your head the arguing with yourself about the fact as a now adult you know you aren't to blame, but that 15 yr old child still believes she is to blame… maybe she fears they will come back now she has seen them again. I can't stress enough just how you are a innocent, a victim in this
    Susan love you have done increably well to get this far & to be brave & strong enough firstly to hold it all in for this long & now to talk about this. You chose the name surviour for a good reason & that’s because you are a survivour These men have hurt you enough sweetheart don't allow them to keep that rain of control over you . Don't let them hurt you for longer than needs be.you can get through this I know it seems like you never will but you will once you have everything in perspective.seek our a good councilour in your area maybe the rape crisis line could help. Althought I am not one. I feel an NLP could help you re train your thoughts to help you accept & believe you are innocent.

    In a way you are like a bannana but soon you wont need that protective layer, because you are growing a new skin one that you will feel more comfortable inside.. hunni its very normal to feel you can go no deeper nor things get daker but once we reach that level the only way is UP!
    Love 'n' hugs Maria xxxx
    edited for colour
     
  19. SteveBishop

    SteveBishop New Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Hi Susan

    I have sent you a PM.

    Hugs & warmies[sm=grouphug.gif]
    Steve
     
  20. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    RE: Can anybody help me!!

    Thank you for the PM Steve.
     

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