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Internal landscapes - External reality

Discussion in 'Mental & Emotional' started by Survivor, May 25, 2019.

  1. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    The terrain inside me described
    “Keep out”
    The fabric of external reality around me described
    “Heaven sent”
    Which one is?
    Alpha
    Omega
    Two worlds beside
    One that is fed up of being trapped inside
    One that is free to reach out to life
    Both are living on a knife
    And then beyond the relinquished emotional tide
    A salient realization is made
    My inside & outside are poles apart
    Yet both have access to a caring heart
    My existence forges two unlikely halves
    I’m no longer living a life in parts
    I’m north, east, south & west
    I’m knees, toes, head & chest
    Forgive me now as I take a rest
    This journey is sweeping me off my feet
    and yet all the parts of me I get to keep!
     
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  2. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Cathedrals, chapels, ruins & graves
    All internal landscapes inside this human nave.
    Spiral stairs, straight ones too.
    Made with cold stone that have been carved
    into ravines for emotions to dwell
    Some still so deep, they are labeled don’t tell..
    Building bridges has been my permanent chore.
    And then when I cast my hope forward, I look down & see a reflection that hits me to my core.
    With nails & actions, I can batten down my
    internal floor.
    Basement bound with tape, not from officials, rather from my living dead.
    Some footprints give my heart an attack
    of fear rather than cardiac.
    Some deadly diseases are best left frozen
    in time & intact.
    Only my insides are burning up & these
    corpse are beginning to smell.
    The last autopsy report said “If only they
    could tell”.
    I’m here & my tongue is burdened with
    words. That once spoken will open my
    internal flood gate.
    Hush now & hold ammonia to your nose,
    these corpses need to be left to decompose.
     
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  3. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Cast forth the truth upon the current plain
    It is with desperation I need to explain
    I’m stuck not in the torture or pain
    I’m stuck in the reality again & again.
    Cast forth my freedom into a forthcoming day
    When I may wake without a mind full of thunderous scum.
    Dreaming of a less burdened mind, is as useful as a crumbling spine.
    It won’t stand in my life time, as acceptance at midnight again does chime.
    Outward sparkles an endless wonder, to serve those who for love they hunger.
    I’m but passing through, surviving on the image of a different shoe.
    To step upon a hallow ground & learn my sentence is dumbfound.
    Oh to walk with free foot & mouth.
    I settle for a breath in lung & accept my life still musters fun.
    Yet in the well of tormented emotional seas, I sink more than swim & practice light yet in energy end up more dim
     
  4. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    The stillness tormented me
    agitates & bakes me
    Inside I am not still!
    The silence frightens me
    with out sound I can’t tell what lurks
    Inside I am not silent!
    Combined stillness & silence
    have me believe annihilation
    has obliterated everything,
    everyone & all of me.
    Inside I often feel annihilated
    There was no end, in fact after
    silence came joint forces
    to obliterate me.
    I was silent & still
    because some kill
    and I’m still walking
    Internal & external landscapes
    are still miles apart
    Just like the rapid change
    of the beat in my heart
    Roller coaster living with
    no fun fair in sight
    I’m screaming let me off
    yet holding on tight
    if only I don’t have to
    face my fears again
    tonight
    Sleep is neither external
    or internal, it’s a place
    In between
    Where battles are waged
    resisted & fought
    if only I didn’t have so
    much to sort.
     
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  5. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    From in this tomb I draw my knees
    and turn although in an awkward squeeze
    I raise and stand with all my being
    My beating heart tells me it’s for living
    Hyper vigilant, anxious too, I know who
    knows the enormity of seeing this through.
    No wonder my silence was so pronounced
    while I had yet to process the life that came
    unannounced.
    I saw, I heard, I felt I died
    Where else, but in a tomb would I hide.
    I am the walking dead & you can’t kill what’s already said.
    I’ve chapters that are encrypted
    Volumes that have an unfathomable code
    I’m in every step I walk & every word I speak.
    And I’m not in the secret others wish I would keep.
     
  6. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Time to say goodbye
    As my inside life flies away
    Though the shell that is left
    Leaves nothing to perplex
    Time to bow out gently
    Take n action quite contrary
    Lay me down on pastures new
    Leave my body leave my body
    Cut me down or steak me up
    I am not of you
    Bury me deep, don’t shallow my
    grave
    Leave my wake to be of a watering hole
    Where many feed & leave forlorn
    I bow to thee of faith & wisdom
    I quench my thirst on equilibrium
    But when living is too heavy
    In here is a mutant thread
    Designed to survive but is
    more content dead
    Leave my body
    I am all said
     
  7. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    I’m not going to die with my music still in me!
    Despite my words, I have not sung yet.
    And when I do it will be on the tallest mountain
    & resonate with the deepest sea.
    I’m getting ready for the birth of me!
     
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  8. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    Who’d of thought?
    I should have!
    When friendly fire is not for fun
    Rather hoped, no pray, no begged
    That you would not raise your threatening head
    Your not alone there are many
    Who needs a tropical storm, when they are not yet steady.
    When no Colours match your flag at all
    You know your waging a one women war
    Only I can’t fight & I can’t pretend, my defenses
    have their resignations penned.
    I have no white flag, it’s stained in blood
    I can’t down arms when I have none.
    Where does the prey go to sleep
    When they have been running with 3 decades of truth.
    It’s ok I have my lipstick on
    A little bit of me that fakes being ok.
    Go ahead steal my words
    but they didn’t come from the life you’ve led.
    Sadly these are not a literacy stake.
    They are the remnants of my life for god sake!
    You think this is about the past? when I live with wolves that
    like to see me dance.
    They don’t allow a new day, they are only interested in playing with their prey.
    You can’t heal if your under constant fire.
    Your only hope is a hit man for hire.
    But that won’t buy me freedom, ever.
    Which way does my life pull? clockwise or anti?
    either way I’m heading down the plug hole.
    My song is an Honour cry, only problem is my throats bone dry. So finger points & words come here,
    They are selfishly mine, selfishly stored, so I may unclutter my mind, in the hope one day I may wake up clear.
     
  9. Survivor

    Survivor Well-Known Member

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    She heard the silence scream
    She saw the stillness swirl
    She lost that girl
     
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