Cursed; will I ever get a girlfriend??

Discussion in 'Mental & Emotional' started by TheBattle2009, Mar 28, 2019.

  1. TheBattle2009

    TheBattle2009 Member

    Jun 6, 2008
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    Hi all, hope you are all well.....

    I have been really depressed recently as when I look back at my love life or the nonexistence of one, well apart from a 6 month relationship with a lovely girl when I was 12 years old. But our relationship ended due to her being unhealthily obsessed about the way she looked and did I love her?! Asking me this nearly every 10 minutes for 6 months which seriously did my head in!

    Don’t know whether this has been a curse or not but since this experience I have never been able to attract women, on or offline not even when it comes to using my wingmen and wingwomen and no I do not complain about it to my potential dates in fact I keep it to myself! I feel really cursed in staying single for the rest of my life as no woman seems to want to go out with me and this has been going on for 23 years this year as I am 35 years old this year!

    Some would say I could be clinically depressed because my own disowned brother has a child of his own out of wedlock and he is only 25 years old this year!, My female cousin who is 36 years old has two children who are 5 and 1 years old and married!! and her sister who is 29 years old is getting married this year in Rome, Italy!

    So everyone is moving on with their lives in my family apart from me! sometimes I feel as though I do not belong on planet earth at all and sometimes I just want to end this nightmare as I am just so pissed off with being single for 23 freaking years!! What the hell can I do to break this godforsaken curse?? especially as I am not the most ugliest man in the UK, or on earth and can make both male and female friends easily!!

    Please help me.....

    All the very best,

  2. Principled

    Principled Well-Known Member

    Sep 20, 2003
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    For goodness sake Oliver - you're 23, not 53 or 63 or 73 or older! There is no curse.

    When we look to a person to find happiness and fulfillment we're never going to be assured of it. Love, happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment are not dependent on persons, places or things. They are spiritual and come from within. You can't aquire love, you can only give it.

    We need to know ourselves, not as one half, needing another half to make us whole, but as already complete, expressing both the manhood and womanhood, the mothering and fathering qualities like strength, wisdom, courage, firmness, as well as gentleness, intuition, compassion, flexibility etc. Everything you think you need, you already have.

    We all have one great relationship which is always there, never lets us down, never judges, just cherishes, comforts, supplies and guides, and that is the tender, loving God, divine Love. Love is the core of our being. To feel this truth and to know it, we just have to listen to the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved".

    "Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence... We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us ...

    Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my centre words that say: 'I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours ... on you my favour rests. I have moulded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in my embrace... You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover and your spouse...yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one."
    Henri Nouven, Life of the Beloved

    There are some good ideas here too.

    Finding somebody— or finding happiness?

    Love and peace,

  3. Kate Mayor

    Kate Mayor New Member

    Apr 16, 2019
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    Hi Oliver,

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Its really tough when you feel that everyone else around you is moving on while you are not. There is nothing wrong with you and it sounds like you have a huge amount to give in a relationship, and making friends easily is a great start.

    It sounds like there may be a lot of negative beliefs that you have taken on about yourself and relationships over the years. This will influence that little voice in your head telling you all sorts of things (conscious and unconscious) which will be influencing your single status and your low mood/depression. I practice Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I feel would really help you to start thinking more positively and starting to change some of those deeply held beliefs and thought processes. I would recommend seeking out a practitioner near you and see if they can help.

    Good luck and best wishes for a lovely relationship in the near future.

    darrensurrey likes this.

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