What are you currently thinking?.....

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by amy green, Feb 3, 2017.

  1. jeannie

    jeannie
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    Thanks, thing is I know I have talked about these things on here before and I apologise but this chat in itself is helpful, counselling would not help me. There is of course a lot of resentment re daughter in law, and it is just as you say...toxic! it feels like a cancer running through us but to blank her out is impossible, she is a constant. I think mouths would drop open if I were able to open up on here but of course that will never happen.
    Then it is not really about us, we have witnessed our son's life turned upside down, he copes, he has no choice, but as parents we know this is caused by one person and it is hard to take. Our son is his own counsellor and he is brilliant. We do not talk about things as he deals with things his own way and he would not want us to remind him of this or that, we can just 'be there'

    Thing is with 'friends' the kind I have had basically would not hear anything I wanted to say for talking about themselves. Honestly apart from being able to type/talk on hear I am normally the listener.

    Couple of reasons I have fell out with people...One friend (let me use the term loosely) we knew for 0ver 40 odd years, lives her life by ritual, Monday this, Tuesday that etc., Not long ago my husband was really poorly and I felt I needed some company, of course no chance, silly me, the day I asked was the day she likes to clean the conservatory out.
    We fell out with another couple because of their cruelty to a dog, thinking about that even though it was a long while ago brings tears to my eyes.

    Unlike you Amy, I don't want to be a recluse, loneliness terrifies me but I am now afraid this is the way things are going to go because of losing so much faith in people. I still look out and feel I would welcome anyone, little things can bring me a huge amount of joy, some friends returned from living in Spain recently and knowing we can see them even now and again is a lovely feeling, I hide any anxieties/worries when with them and I feel I am someone else for a while. Crowan saying this morning that he wished he could invite me round for a coffee brought me joy, a text from my granddaughter saying 'welcome home' when we have been away could make me elated for a month!
    Seeing a dog wag its tail is joy, dog sitting is sheer joy.

    There are depths of depression and there is unhappiness, I feel unhappy, I feel helpless. Sometimes people feel depression for no specific reason, how was it for you, did something trigger it off? my heart goes out to you.

    Well Amy and Crowan thank you for your initial suggestion this morning re chatting, thank you for letting me open up here. I have been housebound with a really bad chest infection for a week and this in itself has made me miserable.

    love xx
     
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    #41 jeannie, Apr 10, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2017
  2. amy green

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    Understandably being currently ill (with the chest infection) would impact on how you feel. I am glad, at least, that you have the opportunity of expressing yourself in this thread!

    I find it sad that so many people fear loneliness when what this is really about is not making friends with yourself (you could start by maybe not giving yourself such a hard time!) This is the difference between loneliness and solitude. I am in harmony with myself (being spiritually focused) and so enjoy the freedom of solitude. It's also having a different perception of reality though....I used to be a victim, have a fatalistic outlook, i.e. this is how it is, nothing can be done etc. until I discovered the reality of freewill and that we are how we choose to be! Psychologists view that stress is not the situation but how we react to it. So it is possible to be in a victim's predicament but not 'buy' into that role - like I ended my last post with that quote - it requires your permission. I am a survivor now with a positive mindset and this is available to anyone. Sorry to sound preachy but suffering is not inevitable but an option you choose.

    For instance, I am currently grieving the recent demise of my mother. It could be more overwhelming than it is if I choose to go under, and let it take hold of me. As it is, I have to be wary (because of my past inclination to get depressed - yes it was a situational catalyst although I had a melancholic predispositon). So I don't wallow in it - I may allow temporary expression but not for the feeling to get into a mood (longer emotional state).

    I am pleased to read that you can find some joy. I hope that nextdoor and meetup enables you to find events to go to and socialise. I find that this, in itself, is sufficient to offset the social void.
     
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  3. jeannie

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    I have been reflecting I have come to the conclusion although I say I look out and want to welcome everyone and loneliness terrifies me etc., unfortunately because of my experiences, specifically over this last 3 years and losing my really close friend and the group of girls that were left, to me they also died and it feels like mass grief. I wrote letters from the heart to all of them, but too busy with grandchildren now, two of them taking off on holidays together, friends for 28 years, meeting at least once a month, all that time then POOF! Gone!
    I will not be able to trust new people. I have my lovely husband and son, without them I would not want to live.
    Any random acts of kindness needs to be shown to myself.
     
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    #43 jeannie, Apr 11, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2017
  4. amy green

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    28 years IS a long time to be suddenly cut out of their lives. However, people make decisions e.g. when couples split up, it's found that their friends can discriminate as to who they will want to continue befriending! It's when you realise that the relationship you thought you had may have been less close than supposed...a horrid, wake up call! I am experiencing precisely this with my sister who has turned into a stranger and trying to fleece me re. probate. I feel totally bewildered, tremendously heartbroken and betrayed.

    There's a saying "people don't change...they just reveal themselves" Seems to be a lot of truth in that although I do believe people can improve on who they are - I have....tremendously so!

    It is sensible to be wary/be on your guard now. No one can blame you for doing so. Such a situation can foster bitterness though which can sour your life....watch out for that! It's good that you can see what is good in your life too.....

    "Count your blessings, not your problems"
     
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  5. ginagreen

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    Life needs a little passion, the festival is the life of condiments, such as shopping malls discount, there are roses everywhere, this day seems to be different from usual.:p
     
  6. amy green

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  7. amy green

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    After the global ransomware....
    [​IMG]
     
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  8. amy green

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    How to shoot yourself in the foot politically - say you'll legalise cannabis (looking for the student vote) oh wait, but then, saying gay people are sinners! I give you the LibDems! [​IMG]
     
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  9. Zandalee

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    Amy Green, by the way photography is outstanding. Your statement really made me think about my workshop we are doing this weekend. We are participating not giving. One of the issue being brought forward is about the issue of gay/bi/transgender and their spiritual coupling. My husband and I are heterosexual but we a son whom is Bisexual and he has had drama when is honest. I appreciate your statement. Saturday should be interesting and informative. See you on Monday evening. Hopefully.
     
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  10. amy green

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    In M & S they had caviar crisps ( potato with dehydrated caviar)...how to get one up on the Joneses! Ha! Not tempted.

    I imagined a snooty scenario at a party...."oh, I see these are cheese and onion crisps....how old hat! Rudolph and I would not serve anything but caviar crisps but then we have standards."
    [​IMG]
     
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  11. Tashanie

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    I am currently thinking how lucky I am.....a train of thought started by wondering if Pippa Middleton knows how lucky she is that her family can afford to spend the price of a small house on her wedding. .....I am not condemning them. They can afford it and I suspect they are an altruistic family...but I do hope they appreciate their good fortune
     
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  12. amy green

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    I hope they do too although this rests on how much of a conscience they have. Jeremy Corbyn had a privileged background (e.g. large house) and went to grammar school. However, he instinctively felt it was wrong to be in a specialised category and, no doubt, it helped spur him on to get better deals for the less privileged. Wonderful man!

    I see that Theresa May, on the other hand, has cut back funds to schools to such an extent that parents are being asked to pay for books! You may ask where the money saved is going....you don't have to look far since she wants to promote more grammar schools thus further enforcing the great divide and bolstering elitism. No wonder she didn't want to take part in a televised leader's debate with Jeremy - he would show her up for what she is!
     
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  13. Tashanie

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    Conscience? Being wealthy isn't evil. I would say it depends on their morals and ethics .
     
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  14. amy green

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    Conscience relates to our morals! I would actually feel guilty to be born into a privileged upbringing. It would make me feel uncomfortable to see the poor suffering.
     
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  15. Crowan

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    Tim Farron has said he does not believe being gay is a sin. And even if he did believe so, since this is a personal view and it does not inform his politics, why does it matter?
     
  16. Crowan

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    No, being born wealthy is not a sin. But wealth is created on the backs of the poor.
     
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  17. amy green

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    He refused to answer the question - for 5 days - as to whether he thought gays were sinners and then said they aren't! Not very convincing is it?

    I agree it shouldn't matter but, for gays, maybe it does!
     
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  18. Crowan

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    Being gay, all I can say is that it doesn't matter to me. I won't be voting Lib-dem, but for other reasons.

    But I suspect he was wary at saying something off the cuff that could have been pounced on by the media. And maybe he just wanted to think it through.
     

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